i run with scissors because it makes me feel dangerous

Ever seen the movie Edward Scissorshands?  He's dangerous and looks really crazy but he isnt crazy. He actually has a soft side. But this book that im talking about, is the total opposite.

This book, Running with Scissors is very insane. Its about this boy, Augusten, whos mother gave him away to a psychiatrist, Mr. Finch, and his insane family. (Hope, Natalie, Kate, Poo, Brenda) And when i say insane, i mean, insane. The way it makes it seem on the back isn't what it makes out to be. Its much more than the summary on the back. Its a very hilarious book and i want to talk about the things that interested me in the book.
Let me warn you : Its INSANE but yet funny. Also, it has stuff like, homosexual things and other stuff.
And im not going to tell you the ending. I hate it when people tell me the ending of things like movies and books. Thats like finding out your gift before you open it.

So anyway, the psychiatrist, who is called Doctor, is so weird. He has his own Masturbatorium. The chapter is called : Masturbatorium. And the thing is, its at his office, not his home. His office, where his patients go and talk to him about their problems. So its like,

"Whenever i feel i need to relieve, i can just ask my patients to leave and go jerk off because, you know, i have my own Masturbatorium." 

The funny thing about that is, his daughter, Hope, who works for him was sleeping in their and when he walked in on her sleeping on the couch, this is what he said,

"Hope, you have no business being in here. This is my Masturbatorium and you're using my blanket."

The blanket that he uses? The couch that he sits on? His daughter? His room - jerking off room?
Can you say disgusting.
And his Hope didn't even mind it. She was just like, "i was just sleeping". ON A COUCH WHERE YOUR FATHER JERKS OFF. No, it didn't bother her at all.

Thats not even the beginning:  When Augusten first meets the doctors family, it has made quite an impact on him and me. i thought it was just crazy. When he first meets them, he has his standards in the very beginning. So, what happened is, the doctors son, Poo, came in the room when Augusten and the girls were showing him the electric chair. Its supposed to be "Therapy". So, when he came in, they showed Poo, who was very young, the electric chair and frightened him.  And when he ran out the room, you wouldn't believe the crazy shit he did.

Funny that i say shit, cause thats exactly what he was doing. Taking a shit, underneath the piano. Tell me, if you were to see your son, taking a shit, ON YOUR FLOOR, would you sit there, WATCH, and then CLAP when he is done taking a shit on your lovely floor. i mean, that shit, is just crazy. i would think that if you are going to let a boy shit on the floor, your dog can do it too. They have a cat and a dog, maybe the cat shits on the floor too.

Oh, i just think im going to take a shit on the floor and perform for you guys because my bowels are just great.

Talking about bowels, at one point in the book, the doctor was saying that his bowel movements were messages from god. That since his poo was pointing up, it meant that his financial life was going up. So, he picked it up with a spatula, and set it out to dry. Not only that one, but all of his. And his daughters. Except Natalie. She didn't let him.

Natalie was indeed the interesting daughter in this book. She was crazy and didn't care what people thought about her. When she was staying at the hotel, and the maid had stole her earrings, she had talked to the manager about it and he had claimed she lost them somewhere in the room. So, what she did was take every thing out the room and put it in the pool.

She's crazy. Indeed.

Theres a chapter called Family Affair, and its where his mom, his mom's girlfriend, and his "adopted dad" were all living together. His "adopted dad" tried to have sex with Augusten but he wasnt having it. So his "dad" had sex with his mom, his mom's girlfriend, and Natalie.

And then they had a yeast infection. It was funny how she put it, but i will let you see what she said. i won't be the one to tell you. It just shows how crazy she is.

Not only is Natalie crazy, but Hope is crazy as well. She had her moment of crazyness as every member of the family does. Hope had claimed that she had dreams that her cat was dying so she thought the cat was dying. When in all actuality, the cat was okay and the only thing the cat was going to die from was her. She never let the cat go, and barely let it actually roam around. And then she put the cat in a hamper and waited with the cat. Want to know what happened to cat? Go read the book.

Now, all of this, is not the basic meaning of the story, don't get me wrong. This isnt even a story, this is a memoir. Its a true story, this really happened to Augusten.

Now, Augusten had this whole thing behind him. He is gay, and he is introduced to a 33 yr old man, named Neil, and they have a relationship. i believe its more as a sex relationship cause thats mainly what they do when they are with each other, talk and then have sex. i mean, i would go on in description about this subject but i wont to tell you to much. So, yea, they had a sex relationship and the mom is okay with it. She supports it actually. I be damned if my son dates a 33 yr old when he is only 15.
And then later, Neil claims he is in love, or as it is said, they are in love or they have falling into something that they couldn't get out of. But later in the text he writes a note on a candy bar saying,

You are nothing but a sex object.

I mean, i thought sex objects were a dildo, not something, somebody you are in love with. Excuse me if im wrong.

Now, after Augusten was informed that he was just a sex object everything changed from there. Every little detail came intact, and every little piece came in place.

Interesting, hilarious, and very good. It will have you reading every page until the end. And i mean it.
I recomend this book :

Running with Scissors 

By Augusten Burroughs

a Memoir

When you read it, or if you have already read it, comment me or follow me on twitter and tell me about it. 

Alright - bye.

Just Saying. 

Eve NOT Steve?

Once people find out someone is gay, they automatically seem to not like them. They think they are wrong, disgusting, and don't think that they are following the, "Adam and Eve" way that is stated in the bible. But why? Why can't you accept people for the way they are? They want to be happy too; they have rights. What ever happened to equality? I've found answers to why people may not like gay people, and then i thought of things, that i don't understand.

You don't like it when guys wear pink, and heels, and have glittery things all over right? But its okay when a girl sags, goes in the boys section of Nike, and plays football? I know for a fact that guy's like it when a girl plays football. If you don't, it's probably because you are afraid you will get over powered by a girl when playing a male game?

That, is a girl. Not a boy.

Yep, its a girl playing football.

Guys watch girl on girl action, or like seeing girls kissing girls because they think it's sexy. Well, they must be lesbians; they are lesbians. Indeed. If you disagree with gay people, and you think gay people are a disgrace, how is it okay to see two gay people kissing? Because they are women? Because it's sexy? Well, i want to see you watch two guys kissing? i bet you wouldn't view it as sexy or hot. Is it because they are men? Men can't do that but women can? i thought gay people were a disgrace?

I know some of the reason you don't like gay people are because of your religion. The bible does state, Adam and EVE.

"Eve Not Steve"

 That's not in the bible, but these are in the bible:

You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination. (NKJ, Leviticus 18:22)

And this:

If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them. (NKJ, Leviticus 20:13) 

And this as well:

Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.  Leviticus 18:21-22

i can understand that you are being told that gay people are a disgrace, and an abomination, but you are also being told to kill. Or, it says, "they shall surely be put to death" ; They should be killed in other words. Doesn't it say in the commandments,

'You shall not murder.' 

The sixth commandment actually. So, no, they shall not be put to death. i may not be the lord, but the lord is saying he should be put to death, and you shall not murder.
The bible also states :

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. (NIV, Matthew 7:1-2)

And yet, your sitting here, judging people because they are gay. Im just saying. i dont understand this whole thing. I do understand that it's your religion, it's the way that you were raised, but when you actually think about it, your being told not to judge, and then being told to judge gay people; being told to not kill, but then people told that gay people, should be put to death.

If you don't even believe in the bible, then what is your reason? i personally believe that the reason you don't like gay people is :

1. Because you think that its disturbing.
2. You were raised to believe that a man and a women should be together, quite like your mom and dad.
3. And mostly, it goes against they way a male should be. When you think about it, the main reason why you think homosexuality isn't right, aside from religion, is because it's male. Men shouldn't do that; or this is a male game. Or, hell no, i wouldn't do that, im a man. i dont like men. That's girlie. I mean, would you wear pink if you were a guy?

Quite frankly, if you think about it, alot of pimps wear pink. Or atleast back in the day they did. Pink and purple was the colors. As well as green, but thats beyond the point.

Pimps wore pink, purple, green, yellow, blue. They were the definition of the term, "rainbow" or "fruity" and yet, they got girls. They didn't go beyond the masculine way, because they knew they weren't gay. They got girls, they had money, they were cool.

I don't understand why so many people are so afraid to be mistaken as gay. If you know your not gay, then that is all that matters. You are so focused on not trying to be mistaken as something your not, that you are not being yourself.

Plus, i think gay people are awesome. I have alot of gay friends and i love each one of them. They are full of personality, and they are great to talk to. And lets not mistake the fact that they have a great sense of fashion. They are the true definition of gay : which is happy. 

And then we have gay famous people. i bet they got teased for being homosexual, and look, they are famous. Either, they got teased, or hid who they truly are. 

Take for instance : Clay Aiken, Dolce and Gabanna , Nigel Barker, J. Alexander (One of my favorites), and ofcourse the famous,Ellen Degreneres, and Lady Gaga Who is really pretty without all the make up. 

Just Saying. 

Now, tell me? When you see this: 

Will you scream:

"Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" 

Or will you actually consider saying, "Congratulations" ?

In order to master the art of stipper heels, you have to attend skank school

i haven't been blogging as much i used to. I'm sorry; i had alot to do. My life has been quite the ride this week. Studying and homework had to come before this in order to achieve my dream as a stripper. You know, i need education to learn how to take off clothes, walk around in stripper heels, and shake my bootylicious ass.

I have 24 flavors... 

Playing. Kidding. Im not serious.

So, yesterday, i did have time to blog, and i decided to do my very first.... VIDEO BLOG !!!!

Who's excited? Me, yes, i am. So, it took forever to edit since it was my first time and i had to get used to it. So just consider this as my "Thursday Thoughts" on a friday night. 

So uh.... heres the link: 

Thursday Thoughts : on a FRIDAY ; Or.... something utterly amazing. Like my first video blog. 

Ever had a hot dog shoved in your face?

What is the purpose of hot dog eating contest anyway? You shove your mouth with a thousand hot dogs, gain weight, feel sick to your stomach, throw it up, and loose. If you win, what did you win except for extra pounds and some money? Maybe i'm being insensitive, but i just dont get it. It's stupid to me? Thats just like a pie eating contest. Why eat it all in a short amount of time when you can savor it, and eat it slowly? Im Just Saying. I dont get it. What about you? Do you encourage stuffing your face with hot dogs or do you find it meaning less?

Anyway, this wasn't even the reason i posted this. When i ask, "Have you ever had a hot dog shoved in your face?" i dont mean, have you stuffed your face with a hot dog, i mean has someone shoved a hot dog in your face?

"Oh hell no. I'd beat his ass for even thinking of shoving a hot dog in my face."

What if the ketchup got in your hair?

"Then, he'd be dead. Do you know how long it took for my hair to look this good? And the money? Shiiiiiiiit"

Well, that's what happened to me, yesterday, by my own friend. It was like a slap in the face. Not by him though, by my conscious, telling me,

"Alright, this boy, and everybody else, is truly not your best friend. We don't even know if he's a true friend. Who would do that?"

Not a true friend. Not a friend. Not a best friend. So, why didn't i slap him? I'm not that kind of person; but atleast he apologized.

"Oh honey, who cares? He dissed you 3 times today and then he does this."

Alright, i'm done talking to myself. Let me tell you what happened last night.
I invited my "friends" over my house to hang out. Their names : Jabari and Ruth

Well, Jabari comes first, and he gets on my computer to download music on his ipod. List of songs, on 3 pages. i was like, Geeeeeeee, what the hell? But, i let him be. Until i got bored. So we started playing the wii till Ruth got there.
When she did, we started playing wii party. That's when Jabari started dissing me.
i told them to kiss my ass, in a playful way, and smacked my butt.

Jabari : "Damn, jiggles."
Me : "Yea, cause my butt is big"
Jabari: "Wasn't talking about your butt"

You don't ever say that to a girl, even if she's not fat. I personally don't think i'm fat. I think im thick. Some people say, fat people say they're thick to make themselves feel better.
I dont think im fat.

That is fat. I'm not fat. 

I'm thick alright, and i will upload a picture if you need one. Just comment below. Because yes, i eat like a fat person, and i dont like to workout, but it hasn't caught up with me already. (:

The second way he dissed me, was when Ruth said she'd choose her friends over family. Conversation? Yea, i think so:

Jabari: So your saying you'd choose your friends over your family?

Ruth: Yea because my family stank

Jabari: So what if your family need money because they were going through foreclosure but you knew a friend that was going through the same thing. Who would you give the money to?

Ruth: My friend, because i know they would pay me back. My family would say, "I dont owe you anything. What money?

Me: It depends on who it is. On who is in the situation, a person who has been there for me before or someone who only comes to me when they want something.

Then Ruth says:

Ruth: i bet you wouldn't even save one of your best friends. Would you even save Adena?

Jabari: Yea i would.

Ruth: i bet you wouldn't. You wouldn't save her, if she was about to get stabbed or shot, if she was about to fall off a cliff, or if she was drowning, because your afraid of heights, and you probably wouldn't want to get your clothes wet.

Jabari: Well, you're right, i am afraid of heights, i'm afraid of guns and getting stabbed, and...

Me: You don't even have to worry about me drowning, i know how to swim.

Jabari: Thats good, cause i'm not about to save you if your in the middle of the ocean choking up water.

Me: Nice.

Jabari: Maybe in a pool, but the middle of the ocean?

Me: Just drop it.

 

Wow, what a good friend. i would atleast try. Dissed... 

But the conversation kept going:

Ruth: But thats your bestfriend, i dont see how you would let your bestfriend drown.

Jabari: Bestfriend?

 *Silence*

Diss number 3

Jabari: Kiera is my bestfriend.
Ruth: You can have more then 1 bestfriend.
--- Back and forth, cant make out exact words ---
 Me: Just drop it - Just drop it
Jabari: i just want to know, Adena, can you have more than one best friend.
Me: Yea, you can.

Do you think you can have more than one best friend? Tell me? There is a comment box below.

Anyway, three disses, and two was back to back. i don't know. i just think, that just proves, you cant trust anyone. its not like i did, but i did view him as a best friend. Until he...

Shoved my hot dog in my face, got ketchup on my sweats, my hair, and my shirt. I didn't slap him or anything, like i would have if it was with someone i dont like, but it did tell me, that i need to beware of who is truly my friends and who are not.

Do you agree? Or disagree? What would you have done?

Just Saying. 

Random Thoughts on a Friday : Jan. 21st.

I just had Mcdonalds, the delicious, non healthy, fattening, most popular fast food place in the world, and i am very disappointed. The Quarter Pounder got smaller and there are less fries in the bag. Yes, i know thats crazy - but then again, no its not crazy. These people are ripping us off for money, and even though im not the one paying for it, i didn't get the amount of food my grandmother paid for. i deserve a quarter pounder, not a damn big cheeseburger. If i wanted a big cheeseburger, i would have got a big cheeseburger. i asked for a quarter pounder. Also, if your going to pour a whole gallon of salt on my fries and make me suffer of diabetes, then the least you can do is give the amount of fries i asked for. Plus, its not as if this fills me up. A couple minutes later im going to be hungry again. So the least you can do is fill me up for at least an hour but you are going to minimize it down to a couple minutes because your ass is trying to gain money. Well, keep downsizing your sandwiches, and have more salt than fries, im pretty sure noone is going to be buying your stuff. Tighten up McDonald.

Another thought? My so called friend's birthday is in 4 days. We've had problems over the past few yrs. and i feel as though shes not really my friend. i think she is just being in  my life for certain things, like just recently, we're hanging out, and she tells me what she wants for her birthday. i really hope she doesnt think im getting her anything; she forgot my birthday. Didnt even tell me happy birthday and when i confront her about it she wants to  play dumb. However, im not dumb. So, that didn't work at all. i know she forgot my birthday. So, thats out the bag. i hate fake people. i just do. Dont ever be fake in your lifetime - its just not right. One day people will recognize your fake ness, and you wont have them anymore.

My last thought (for right now) : i dont want to fall in love and not have him fall for me. Everything feels different, and im a clingy person, and i dont want him to give up on me. We always try to fix our relationship. This, by the way, is the boy i was talking about, Zach, in the last post, (Someone ever give you mixed signals [Read it to catch up] )
So anyway, i dont know what to do still, i never did tell him whether or not i wanted to work it out with him or not, i guess we just decided to not focus on it and just go with the flow; but i dont want to love him like i used to, if it means he wont do the same. So, i dont know what i should do. Trust it and get hurt again, or put my back against it since it never worked all the other times. Being a teenager, is complicated.

And i dont even have to pay bills yet.

My thoughts are

Just Saying

But what are your random thoughts?

This table is NOT for underclassmen.

Are you a senior? Because if you are, i have some words to tell you. I'm speaking for all freshman here; Not sophomore's, not juniors, just freshman, speaking directly to Seniors.
I know you have been at your school for 4 years and you have "seniority"; but if you by chance think, that you can treat us, freshman here different, because we are younger than you, let me tell you something. Just because you are older than me, doesn't mean you can walk all over me. I will get bitchy in your face, if you get bitchy in mine. If you ever come across me with a stank attitude, i'm going to have a stank attitude with you. If you treat me with respect, it will be returned.

You dont even have the right, to say, "i can beat your ass, because i'm older than you, im bigger than you, or because your a freshman". Well, i like being a freshman, and you are not going to ruin it for me and if you lay a finger on me, dont expect for me to not hit you back. You may be bigger than me, and im not saying i will beat your ass, but i will defiantly go crazy on you.

i remember, being afraid to even step foot in middle school because i thought of 8th grade kids beating me up. And i also remember being told that middle school is nothing compared to high school. Ofcourse, its more freedom, more fun.... (more work... strict teachers...)
But then i thought... wait a second.... seniors = freshman fridays - being told i cant sit at a table because its THEIR table. Well, that brings me to this exact post. Indeed.

So, me and my friends, since the first day have been sitting at this table outside. There is about... 11 of us that sit at this table. Its a picnic table by the way, so some are sitting down and some are standing up.
So as you know, it was getting cold outside, so we didn't want to be outside in the cold, so we went into the building during lunch.
And i swear to you, i told my friends, you know, noones at our table now, but if we keep not being there, someone is going to get our table.
They said: Yea, but im cold.
Me: Oooohhkkaaaayyyy.

They aint believe me i guess. Because when it started not being cold : (two days ago)
We went out there, and sure enough there are two people sitting at our table.
So, we huddle in a group, like we in a mission, and we try to decide, what we are going to do. In the end, we decided to just ask them to leave.

Now - i can kind of understand if a couple of freshman asked you to leave and sit somewhere else. That was dumb of us, but to say this:

Oh, no, we're not moving. This table is not for underclassmen

Alright now, thats when i got mad. This girl, started getting a damn attitude, talking about.

"Dont touch my shit. Dont move my shit. We not moving"

Alright bitch, we get it ; Your not moving. But are we??

Uh - Hell noooooo. Because if OUR name isnt on the table, and YOUR name isnt on the table, EVERYBODY has a right to sit there. So what did we do?
We sat our asses down right next to them, and started eating.
And if you dont believe me, i will take me a picture of us, sitting right there. With seniors. Cause, dammit, we were going to be bitches to eachother and sit at the table, or get along.

And the next day, they were still there, and we were still there, And we are not quite getting along, but we sure are tolerating eachother. So, bump that.

Table is not for underclassmen my ass.

What do you think?

After all - im: 

 Just saying. 

GET OUT MY FACE !

Some movies are worth paying extra to see in 3D. But now, it's like every movie that is coming out is in 3D. 

Now in Jacksonville, you get the option of seeing the movie without paying extra money.

It's pointless to me. 

Take for instance the movie Gullivers Travel. i saw that movie without paying extra. I'm so sorry, but i did not want to see Jack Black's face in mine. 

I dont want his face all in mine. Thanks for the suggestion, but i have a space bubble. GET OUT MY FACE!

Lets say we are the lil people watching Jack Black in 3D

AND it was based off an older movie - and that was defiantly NOT in 3D. And it was okay without it.

And i personally don't see why it was in 3D. The only thing about having it in 3D is paying extra money for it.

It wasn't even animation. 

Animation is better in 3D if you are going to make a movie on 3D.

The only non animated 3D movie that was good was Tron.

But thats not the point. 

My point is: 

3D movies. are a waist of money.

First of all, some one these glasses just look ridiculous; Not all... but some. 

Second of all - in scary movies that are 3D, why would you sit there and scream? The actors are paid to do that. THEY DESERVE TO DIE !

Becuase they sit there, go to the death, and just scream. 

Or 

they run, and.... die.

But you - you dont deserve to die

Or 

Look ridiculous

Or

Waist your money.

But yet, you waist your money, put on ridiculous glasses, and sit there, and scream.

i know damn well, if i saw something scary jump up at me, i'd be out of there.

Thats why, when i watch scary movies, i dont see them in 3D. 

AH ! He's going to eat me - yet i sit here and let me get eaten.

i mean, look at the girl in the top right, she just looks....

Out of it? Theres not even a word for it. 
Anyways... That's what i think...

What do you think? Am i wrong? Or am i right? Or do you not even care.

Happy Birthday and RIP

To two great people.

Martin Luther King Jr.

and

Aaliyah "Baby Girl" Haughton.

----------------------

Yesterday was Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday 

Jan 15th 1929

He will always be remembered for his greatness and leading this world to stand up for rights. 

"I Have a Dream" speech still goes down in one of the greatest speeches. 

He was one of the men, that kept it true to himself and others, and stood up for what he believed in.

R.I.P - We love you.

------------------------

Today is Aaliyah "Baby Girl" Haughton's birthday

Jan. 16, 1979

(Both ends it 9's)

She will always be remembered by her beauty, her talent, and most importantly her love to her fans.

Some of her hit singles were, 

"I miss you"

"Age aint nothing but a number"

and 

"Rock the Boat"

There are alot more singles, for she was a great, talented singer, and dancer.

She will be missed and remembered for alot of things. 

Youtube Video 

RIP - We love you.

New Zodiac Sign? Oh hell no.

Yesterday, i found out that there was a new zodiac sign, Ophiuchus, and i disagree with everything. i just dont see how they can just change the signs after the signs have been the same for decades. How is that possible? Arent you guys supposed to be experts at the earth and its rotation or what?
There are 12 months, for only 12 signs. Not 13 for 13 months. What next, your going to tell me that you had the months wrong? Or, let me guess, the seasons were wrong. Or is there going to be a new sign next year? Come on now.
I mean, do you realize that some people base their life off of their horoscope? If you don't believe me, you might want to try to catch those re-runs of Oprah, or Ellen, or those talk shows. So think of how they are feeling. You tell them that they are a Cancer, their traits, and how they can be at times. You also tell them who they are compatible with and who they match up perfectly with. I never believed it, i personally thought it was a piece of shit that the sun and the moon can tell me who im destined to be with. This just shows that its a piece of crap.Cause now, your telling everybody, that your research on the earth and its rotation was wrong. Some people have tattoos of their horoscope on their body. Unless they are going to get laser surgery, thats not going anywhere but placed on their arm, back, or wherever they have it, all because you suddenly said everything you said about their horoscope was wrong.
Not to mention, facebook, myspace, and those apps that have daily horoscope and what your horoscope is. P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C.
But im not the expert here, you do your job. And lets hope that this time, you do it right and dont screw up peoples time.

But on a side note, i will always, be who i am, no matter what the earth's rotation is. im not going to base my life off of what element i am, cause for all you know, i may give up an oppurtunity, because im not perfectly matched with this person.

Just saying.

Someone ever give you mixed signals?

Today was a weird day. i dont know if it was because it was 1.11.11. Or what because today was weird.

Not that weird. Im over exaggerating. But on my last post, i stated how i can be a cry baby correct? This is a post about why, but i will tell you why. Just not the whole story.
My ex boyfriend, that ive been with for almost 3 years, and i are having problems. But this is no one time thing. We have been having problems for the past 2 yrs. And we always seemed to always say, it will work this time. Or we can get through this. But everytime, we are on and off. So i finally told him, we will try this one more time and if one of us says we are over, its over.

Problem: He didnt believe me. So when he broke up with me, i found another boyfriend. He was sweet and different. Someone ive never dated. Totally NOT my type, but thats why i liked him.

Problem: My ex boyfriend wanted me back. Shall i name names? Yea :

Boyfriend for 3yrs : Zach

Boyfriend thats different: Moises.

 So, back to the story, Zach wanted me back. We argued constantly how i told him i was done with him if we said we'd be over. Back and forth about how we never work it out, how we always argue, how we always break up. So, i thought i had made up my mind.

Problem: i told Moises that i was still in love with zach and how the situation played out.He told me, to do what my heart said to do. i didnt like that much, cause i truly dont know how to listen to what my heart is telling me. i listen to my mind. And my mind told me to stay with Moises. So i told him that i was going to stay withh him.

Problem: i watched the movie, College Grad... or Grad Student, or something. And the ending was sweet, and i thought thats what i should do. That could happen. But i totally forgot what i had learned in Drama Class:

Willing Suspension of Disbelief.

 Means it doesnt really happen, or things like that doesnt happen in real life. Well, my stupid ass, or maybe not so stupid, broke up with Moises to work it out with Zach.

Not going out, but trying to work it out before we go out. Dumb? Stupid? Maybe. Whatever the case may be, moments later, (moments being months), he told me he didnt want to work it out with me anymore because he cant trust me and im always with guys.
Well, i have no excuse for both of that.
We dont trust eachother basically. We both knew that. i thought that was the reason for us working it out so we can learn to work it out.
Me being with boys is apart of my nature. i guess he thought i was flirting cause i said id cuff, (have a relationship), with one of my bestfriends. i didnt see it as a big deal, but he did. And i blew it off. Maybe that set him off.

What the case maybe, he told me it was over, so i said ohkay.
He told me later he wanted to take it back, i said no because i said i was serious about being done if one of us breaks it off. Then he told me then if im not going to work it out, he didnt want to talk to me because he couldnt stand seeing me and im not his. i told him i wanted to be friends with him but he wasnt having it. 

Now here goes the weird part

He came up to my locker today, and when i moved away, this is the conversation:

Him: "I came up here to talk to you"

Me: "Oh, i didnt know you wanted to talk to me"

Him: "Yea, well..."

*Silence*

Now is it me or if you came up to me wanted to talk to me, you should start the conversation. Cause i know damn well im not going to sit here and open myself up to you when you didnt want to talk to me in the first place.

The he goes:

Him: "Are you going to text me later?" (He means in class)

Me: "Yea, i guess" (Thoughts going though my mind: i thought you didn't want to talk to me. Now you want me to text you? What the hell??)
So we walks away. But no worries. He comes back. i guess he had to put his stuff in his locker cause now he didnt have his stuff with him. But this time, no conversation. So the bell rings, and i start to walk away and he calls my name so i can give him a hug.

I give him a hug. Being that i cant resist, but again... WHAT THE HELL??

I'm guessing he wants another chance. But idk whether i should or shouldnt. We have issues. And this isnt even half of it.

So....

Should i?

Cry Baby.

On some people's facebook status, you just want to comment and say, Shut the fuck up and get over it. And ive officially became one of those people. I dont go to the extreme and say,

Kill me now. i dont want to live. You took my heart out and broke it into two. i wish we were still together. Why did you do this? i loved you but i guess you never loved me.

You get the point right? Im not like THAT. That ^^ is way extreme. Those are the people i want to come through the screen and slap some common sense into. i mean, is it really that necessary to say all that shit? Uh... Nooooo. Like, what the fuck. Telling people to kill you or saying you dont want to live is pathetic; if you want to be dead you would have killed yourself and not be updating your status saying you want to be chilling with the devil or whoever you believe in.

i simply say i few sad song lyrics, explained how i bet if i deleted everybody except for those who are my true friends i would have less than 10, and maybe said FML a few times. But, does that make me a complete cry baby? Maybe, maybe just a lil bit. But, i havent gone to the extreme. i dont want to kill myself, for i know, i will get over it. Its not that bad. it just feels like it. Everybody has gone through the expierence.

And to be completely honest, nobody knows about this blog or my twitter account, cause im the most biggest cry baby on here and twitter. None of my "friends" or whoever knows about this because i dont tell them anything about how i feel or whats going on in my life. If you havent already figured out, its because i dont trust people with information that deals with my feelings or my life.
People come and go in my life, and when you come, im not going to open up for you, just so that you can sit here and go with a whole bunch of my lifee, feelings, and personal things all in your mind that you can just spill out to random people.

Uh... why the fuck would i do that? HA ! Sorry. i trust few people and your going to earn all of my trust.

But dont get me wrong, when i first meet you, im not going to lie about my eye color or my name. I'll trust you half way, but as far as telling you about how i feel, no. Show me your worth telling stuff to, crying to, and putting my head on your shoulder and sobbingg to. Then, you have earned all of my trust.

No, you know what, scratch that. Show me you wont leave out of my life. i have a major problem with that. People just up and leave as soon as i either start to think you will be my bestest friend, or someone who is going to be there for me forever. Fuk that, i learned my mistake.
So show me, you wont leave, or you will indeed be there for me even when your not here.

Dont just tell me,

Adena, i will always be here for you. i love you.

or:

Girl, you know you my home girl. Why would i even do something like that. You know you my girl.

Do i know that? do i really? No, i think not. Noone really knows that for a fact. But i guess that the whole point of loving someone is giving them the opportunity to break your heart but trusting they wont. But i never did trust him.

i got a lil ahead of myself, but theres alot to the story of why im being a cry baby. Im not usually a cry baby for i have just told you, i keep stuff to myself. But since, i dont really know you guys as close friends, i can tell you the story but without names and what not. You know how things go. But it will be in another post. So keep on the look out for it. Cause im a lil tired out by all of this. i just want things to go right you know?

Alright you guys, im out. I'll be posting later.

This weekend

This weekend is going to be a weekend where i lay off the stress. Drama class, we did an exercise or a warm up, that helps you get into character. And its more like a way to calm yourself down and find the quiet side of you. What we do is, we just lay down, or get comfortable, someplace quiet and peaceful and listen to music, and just basically relax and zone out.
Being that i love music, it really helped me. I felt really calm and relaxed and i found myself able to sleep that night.
I havent been sleeping for the past 3-4 days cause ive been so stressed lately, but this weekend, is going to be a non stress weekend.
After the party i go to that is. Ha (:

What a waste.

i spent three years of my life on this boy, and it turns out, he doesnt even want to try to make it work with me.
I should have listened to my mind instead of my heart. Sometimes its hard to make a decision, but we have to stick with what we know best.

I knew we wouldnt work out, i wanted to. In my heart, i thought if we were both committed it would work. In my mind, it told me that we cant make it through. And in the end, we will hate eachother
But i guess the saying:

When one door closes, another opens.

Or the one:

When a relationship falls, there is always someone better in store

Is going to have to come true. Cause if not, im probably not going to believe in love anymore.

Our Economy.

I was in English class learning about the historical background of the novel we're reading, Legend of Bagger Vance. And it turns out, our economy is not going through a recession, its going through a depression.
Just like back in the 1920's - the stock marketing was going high, and bigger and bigger, and then it all went down and it turned into the depression. As well as everyone relying on crops and farming, and then the crops failed, and they couldnt eat. Well, think about it. 1990's was big on stocking markerting and  we are relying on technology. I personally don't know how to start a fire. i was once told by a solar powered battery, but with no money, job, or anything, how am i supposed to get that? When technology breaks down, what are we going to do? You think its not going to happen, but the past relives its self. And right now, we are in a depression tho news people dont say so. If you dont want to be starving and screwed up, i suggest you not rely on technology. That is a task i have to work on myself because i use my cellphone everyday and im on the internet nonstop. So, like i said, try not to rely so much on technology. Lets make this economy better.

Our Generation - Your Generation.

"Our generation these days..." You've heard it before. i mean who hasn't? Im only in my teens and i hear it constantly from my grandmother, and all the adults that don't like what has happened to our generation. But lets truly face it, you have your faults in our generation. And dont act like your generation is all fine and dandy because their is nothing perfect about it.
I can see how our genertation has went below its standards to most people think. I think that it has, not that im saying i do a few things as well. Im only a teenager after all. I dont have the most perfect grammer, i dont txt proper, and i do whatever it takes just to pass by. A "C" to me is a passing grade in my book. Its good to me, but when it comes to my grandmother she thinks otherwise. So i have to say, even tho im critizing my generation, i cant say that im the most perfect teenager either.
But really, lets take a moment to think - first, i love music, and now all the music is about sex, girls butt's going up or down, or how your better than someone out there. Seriously? Whatever happened to making love to your women and making sure shes the one to have it with. Because now, it seems you have 3 girls on your side and you fucking all three of them. Fucking, plain sex. Not making it special, or anything. You cant even make sex special if its with more than one girl. And if you have a child, let me tell you something. There is nothing like a child not having a dad in their life. YOU were responsible for making that baby, you need to be responsible for raising your baby as well. Cause no matter what the case is, its always YOUR baby. And the girls just take it. You give it up like its nothing. Well, excuse me for thinking that my virginity is special and will only be given to someone whom i trust, care about, and know will not take me for granted. I mean, you wanted rights and when we finally get rights you use it up like its a piece of trash. Are you trash? Do you seriously view yourself as trash? Because if you do, you need to change that because i know damn well you dont like being treated like trash.
Also, our generation is made to think that we have to be perfect. Thats why there are clicks and people who are on top and what not. Adult, parents, guardians, whoever, you are the ones telling us to be perfect. whatever happened to do your best? All i hear now is you telling your child to make their winning shot, make sure they do whatever it takes for them not to fail. I may be wrong, cause i know you want whats best for them, and i know i dont have a child so i dont know what its like, but now you have your child trying not to fail you. Not themselves. Or they are trying to prove to you something. Whatever the case is, they should be trying to do there best, not be perfect.
My best friend, i love him to death, but he is spoiled. He says he can't go to the mall without 100 dollars in his pocket, he has 90 dollars jeans, (no lie], and he has never been in the store sears because he goes to high priced stores. He doesnt know how to wash his clothes, and he talking about he can go to any school because he dont have to worry about the money. And he says he not going to get a job because he doesnt like to work. What kinda shit? I can go to the mall with 20 dollars and come out with bags, or go to the mall with zero dollars and just look at stuff. My jeans cost 14.99 at JCPenney and i get my graphic tees from Sears - they only cost $5.00. And i don't understand how he want to go to college and he dont know how to wash his own clothes. What are you going to do? Go back to your mom? Unless he get accepted to a college close to his family, he is shit out of luck. And i told him that. Told him to his face: you gonna be broke if you dont get a job because money isn't going to come to you in a silver platter all the time. And he expects me to go shopping with him to Miami. He doesnt understand, i don't get money handed to me, i have to earn it. But, its ohkay, he'll get all that attitude slapped back in his face. But i do love him don't get me wrong.
And talk about money, when i said that adult's generation is perfect, money is the perfect example.
Last i checked, Christmas is about the spirit of giving, joy, and spending time with your family. Not about money or receiving. You have christmas lights on thanksgiving day. You have christmas commercials, and music, and decorations up before its even thanksgiving. All because of money. Have you forgotten what the meaning of Christmas is??? Your either in one of two situations. Where you complain about the money, or you dont complain because you are receiving all the money. First of all, if your complaining, the best thing to do is get all your presents on the way, you know that christmas is coming, why wait untill the last minute and then pay all the money at one time? Secondly, its about giving - and joy. Come on people. If
If your in the situation of not complaining, the same goes for you. Money drives people insane, and when it comes to christmas, people are so excited, not because of the spending time with your family, or the actual meaning, but because you receive tons of cash because of all those spending on christmas gifts. Really? Give me a break. i know you need to pay the bills and what not, i hear that every day. "Gas prices has been raised 10 cent" i get it. But christmas is the one holiday you need to put that away.
If you by chance, have read to here, i greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

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Thankyou very much.

Friends?

Are they really your friends? Or just people who are there in you life just to be there? Take you for granted? Back stab you?
Oh well guess what - im not going to wallow in shame. What im going to do - is move on. New year - and she will NOT be in it (: 

Thinking

Everybody has had their fair share of loosing someone.
i usually dont loose alot of people. But, ive lost someone. Or, given them up.
How stupid am i right? My friend says its Karma, i believe her because in a way, ive always found a way to make people let me go cause i always moved on. Now its my turn to witness the pain of having to let someone go.